Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?