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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
That awkward moment when a homeless person walks up to you at a Coinstar machine.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
My whole life is based on a true story...
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.