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How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
If cats could text you back, they wouldn`t.