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I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
People who are offended by offensive things offend me.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
Plan B includes margaritas.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness."
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.