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Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
How can you tell if a smurf has the blues?
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "the Illuminaughty".
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.