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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
“Too much milk left need more cereal” always leads to “too much cereal need more milk”
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.