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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
I shurvivfed the dentisht wivout any notishable shide affecshss.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
Thanks to yesterday`s chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall.
Just realized the irony of putting Bacon on my VeggieBurger..........
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.