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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
YOU WANNA PIECE OF THIS!?!?! ~me, aggressively handing out cake
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.