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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears