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Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??