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When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
I`m getting so many spam emails. “Grow Your Hair Back”…”Lose weight now” …”Enlarge your manhood”… Wait… these are from my wife.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.