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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
Gym Update: Not there.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes