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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.