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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".