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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
Chuck E. Cheese is just a casino for little kids.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.