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Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
I fell asleep at the wheel last weekend. My pottery was ruined.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data