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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
It`s not my official job but basically all I do is piss people off.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?