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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.