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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
I retired from being my brothers keeper when I realised that I was letting in goals that wouldn`t have scored if his post was empty
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
My parents are visiting. So I pretty much know how much gas cost everywhere.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.