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I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.