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I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
Parallel lines have so much in common, it`s a shame they`ll never meet
I didn`t see anyone important yesterday, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes today.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.