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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
I put the o in illiterate!
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
Every-time I run I hear Mario Brothers theme song in my head, and look for things to jump over.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
When a man talks dirty to a woman it`s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it`s $3.95 per minute.
High-five a veteran today.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.