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I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
take me drunk i`m home
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."