Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Does this status update make me look fat?
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
Home is where the pants aren’t.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.