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If you`re going to be a d!ck.. At least be a big one.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.