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I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
I want to give up coffee, but I`d hate to do that to my coworkers.
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment