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Apparently, starting an impromptu game of leap frog with somebody bending over to tie their shoe is considered rude. Church is boring.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.