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It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Slow dancing with a fat girl? More like moving a fridge by yourself.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
First, Ray Rice. Now, Adrian Peterson. The prison football league is going to be off the chain this year.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.