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I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I`ve given up on giving up.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
I say the things better left unsaid.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....