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Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
It’s a status….not your diary…
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...