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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Girls who don`t get naked when you`re drunk.. Explain yourselves.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day