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A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.