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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
You know you`re old when you come close to shaving your nipple off while trying to shave your legs!
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.