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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.