Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Anyone else immediately turn down the car radio the second you think you might be lost?
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.