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This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Tried to text "playa" but it changed it to "player" I must have the white iPhone.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!