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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
I`m never free but I`m available.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.