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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?