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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
When listening to skinny girls talk about losing weight it`s perfectly reasonable to battle cry then karate chop their tiny stomach`s.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I know money talks but I wish mine had a better vocabulary instead of just ‘Spend me’.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.