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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
Pet stores should post "Chameleon" on empty reptile cages just to see how long people would stand and look.
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?