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Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
My doctor said he`s been practicing for 30 years. When will he start doing his job for real?
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Things that make you go Mmmmmmm - Duct Tape
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."