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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.