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Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
Tieam... problem solved
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.