Daily Silly Status

You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill

I saw that! - Karma

We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away

I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.

I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.

When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.

My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.

I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.

Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.

If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?

tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes

My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.

Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol