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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
If I ever get off this couch, I’ll be unstoppable.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.