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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
If you`ve lost your appetite today, I think I have it.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
I`m more of a "the glass is half shattered into a million tiny pieces" person.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!