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It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.