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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
This is a lousy dating site.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.