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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.