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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I`m not above slashing my own tires to avoid going to this family brunch.
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
Just saw someone eat a kit kat bar without breaking off each individual piece and now I can`t stop twitching.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Will someone please tell ugly girls with small boobs that their opioion doesnt really matter.