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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?