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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.