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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
9 of 10 voices in my head telI me I `m crazy. One hums ...
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.