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Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
You must have been born on a highway. Most accidents take place there.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
I’ve been single so long I deserve a bachelors degree.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.