Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
There are other things in life besides sex and alcohol. Those other things all suck, but they do exist, I assume.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.