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Sorry I referred to your baby shower as a gift extortion party.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bulletproof vest.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....