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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
This century is already 15% over.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?